Day 900!

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Today, I have 900 continuous days of sobriety.

If you take out the word “continuous,” there’s no telling how many sober days I have. They just weren’t all that continuous.

It’s weird, but Day 900 doesn’t have much meaning for me. The struggle is over, thanks to the woman I used to be. Every day is easy now.

What matters to me more is the hundreds of Day One’s I have. Those beautiful, magical days when I would wake up groggy, throw out the rest of the wine, take out my day planner, and write in my best handwriting, Day One.

Surviving those days was excruciating. I know because I often wrote about the anguish of having to start over, again and again. My mind was so enmeshed in drinking that I couldn’t imagine going without my 5 o’clock anesthesia. I needed that drink, more than I needed food or water or air. At least that’s what I thought at the time. But still, on Day One, I faced the battle head on.

Other days, I was not so brave. As long as my head was still above water, and it looked like I had an OK life from the outside, I ignored the ticking time bomb buried inside every bottle of wine.

But that woman who dragged herself out of bed, shaky and unsure, with just a whisper of hope … she is my hero.

Imagine being completely overtaken by one of the most addictive substances there is — one that is legal and ingrained in the culture and available at every grocery store — and to still rise up, even after falling over and over again. That is such an act of blind faith that I’m in total awe of her.

After years of blaming and shaming her, I am so grateful for every day that she found the strength to hope for a better tomorrow.

That woman I used to be — the one who paved the way for me with her sweat and tears and love — that is who I’m proud of today.

36 thoughts on “Day 900!

  1. Congratulations on such an amazing achievement – wow! I hope I get to write those words one day.

    This is a beautiful and touching post. I was surprised to feel tears sting my eyes as I read of the compassion you now feel for your former self, until I realised why – I know her!

    Thank you for sharing such an inspiring post 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I know exactly what you mean. I had intended to write about how much progress you can make in even sporadic sobriety, but this popped into my head instead, tears and all. It’s as if I needed to acknowledge myself, something that doesn’t come all that naturally to me. 💕

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  2. This made me cry.

    “But that woman who dragged herself out of bed, shaky and unsure, with just a whisper of hope … she is my hero.”

    This fucking thing (addiction) can put you through the ringer and leave you out to dry and or kill you. It is no small thing that we’ve overcome even just for today. 900 days is incredible.

    You are awesome!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! And you’re just as awesome. Why is it that we give everyone credit before ourselves? I’ve had to actively work at changing the way I think to come up with a more loving, forgiving mindset toward myself, especially when remembering those drinking days.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This is BEAUTIFULLY done! Bravo to you…you describe your former self so poetically, and I admire the love and grace you offer her. Isn’t it wonderful to wake up every day and feel refreshed, rested and energized? I absolutely love your journey, and I adore your updates. Sending you love and hope all is going well with that book 😉 I need an update soon! Big love, Xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much! I’ve been out of the loop, but in some time work-wise. My husband had surgery that’s immobilized his shoulder, so I’m a nurse as well these days.
      I SO look forward to getting in touch again! I’ve had nothing new to report, but life slows down enough to catch up after the summer for me. No relatives on the horizon for a few days now …. 😀

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  4. That’s an awesome amount of sober time! It’s good to hear that it’s easy for you now because in early sobriety it’s not hard to forget that it won’t always be this way.

    Liked by 2 people

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