The Danger of Justified Anger

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After a difficult marriage and divorce, I thrived on anger. Somehow, the anger felt like power in a situation where I had very little of it. It wasn’t until I read A Return to Love that I knew there was a downside to what I saw as perfectly justified anger. Here’s a great article from The Elephant describing one women’s anger toward her father:

The Danger of Justified Anger.

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8 thoughts on “The Danger of Justified Anger

  1. Your paragraph really hits the nail on the head in describing a coworker of mine. She was divorced over a decade ago and still angrily brings it up DAILY. It’s so annoying. I mean it’s mentioned so often that nobody even feels sorry for her anymore.

    Certainly some anger is justified. A lot of anger, I’d wager. But hanging on to it for YEARS only hurts the person who is angry. I also have a lot of experience with this in that I work for a divorce court and most of our clients use their children as weapons against each other sometimes years after the actual divorce.

    Infuriating, truly. Glad you were able to get past it. I’m sure people like you a lot more than they would have if you hadn’t. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was that person! But I was more blindsided by the process than angry, at first. I tried to take the high road, believing that I could actually make it a smooth process, especially for the kids. I was blindsided by just how awful and vindictive it turned out to be. So I would say I was beyond hurt for my children, more than angry, at first. As the court cases moved forward (the ex and his girlfriend sued for custody), I became really angry. Incredibly angry. I would blabber on about it to anyone who would listen, and even if you didn’t really want to hear it. (My poor mother!)
      After the flames of this lengthy bonfire subsided, I was able to forgive and own up to my part in the whole fiasco. Today, I can actually feel love toward everyone involved. It’s hard to believe it’s possible, but there is a magic in being willing to forgive … events I never could have predicted seemed to line up to support my forgiveness. I would even have dreams of my ex apologizing to me, or of him as a child I was taking care of. It wasn’t easy at first, but in the long run, it works. And I am so free of that anger. I left it in the past, where it belongs, and it can’t touch me now.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve certainly held onto anger before, I can even think of some people who I don’t often think about which bring up vague stirrings of rage lol. But they’re not a part of my life so it’s just not something that ever occurs to me. Still might be something to deal with eventually!

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  2. Excellent. My “justified” anger came in the form of withholding or denying the natural love a child has for their father. I thought I had forgiven him and I didn’t realize the damage I was doing to myself by blocking that natural path of energy in my heart. 40 yrs after his death, I have recently been shown this and an amazing healing has happened. A film I highly recommend is The Heart of Man on Amazon Prime. I cried throughout and it was a major part of my reconciliation with both my earthly father and my “eternal” father/mother. Thank you, Shawna!🙏💜🙏

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    1. Alright, it’s next on my list! And guess what? My dad is in the first stages of dementia, and is in and out of hospice. I also had a crazy reconciliation dream not long ago. My path is different, I think, in that I feel like maybe I’m supposed to help guide him to the “other side.” He has no spiritual beliefs (never has), and now he’s scared. I keep imagining this happening when he’s in a coma and can’t tell me to shut up. ; ) Poor guy! And I’m halfway joking here, but it’s not something I necessarily want to take on. My efforts so far have been just to joke with him about going toward the light when his time comes. Maybe this movie will have some answers for me. One of the most surprising thoughts from a Course Miracles is that we are asked to forgive our Father for thinking this is what He wanted for us, meaning the chaotic world we see. I can see how it might all tie together, symbolically.
      I’m not used to all this deep thinking … am off to find a big cookie to clear my brain. 💕

      Liked by 1 person

      1. So sorry to hear of this, Shawna. Not an easy time for either of you but a blessing that you can be there for him. There are no accidents!!
        The film I referred to is an updated “take” on the Prodigal Son…. coming from the angle of sexual addiction and trauma from molestation, etc. Any addiction keeps us in bondage and this presents God the Father in such a beautiful way. The whole film is stunningly well done. For those of us who didn’t have father present or had an abusive father, it’s very healing and thought provoking. Let me know what you think of it! Good to see you, sister.💜

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  3. Anger is exhausting! I’ve been listening to a Thich Nhat Hanh audiobook ’Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames’. He says you need to take good care of your anger like you would a baby. It’s a weird concept to me because usually getting angry creates shame in me. Seeing my anger with compassion helps break that cycle

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, that’s an amazing thought. I’m going to google that and find out the reasoning behind it because like you, I feel shame at the loss of control it can cause. And then the shame of acting on the anger. It’s feels too much like that righteous anger that bursts into flames while drinking.

      Liked by 1 person

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