Drinking: A Scary Warning Blog

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Last night I posted a blog called “Wine: A Wolf in Disguise.” It was kind of a scary blog, ending with a tragic DUI story. I took it down an hour later.

But I’m done with that shit.

Writing and thinking along those lines made me ill the rest of the evening. I felt lost and disoriented, for no apparent reason, until my mind connected this discomfort to the words in that blog. Words have power, and it hurt me physically and psychically to put that story out there. I hope nobody read it.

Why did I feel so awful about it?

As I reread it, I thought it made some valid points. It contained a helpful, (I thought) not-so-subtle warning for those who might be drinking and driving to STOP THE INSANITY! My twisted logic: If this story makes one person stop and think about what could happen, if it saves one life … blah, blah, blah.

Total bullshit.

This same logic is used on a grand scale to scare people into doing all kinds of stupid things. It strikes at our basest emotions and fear-mongering tendencies. It inspires negativity and guilt. It creates panic.

What a gift to bestow upon a few lucky readers. I am profoundly sorry.

It got me thinking about how I parent. I often throw out little warnings to my (grown) children, disguised as stories about someone else. “Look at this,” I might say to my son, while innocently perusing the newspaper. “This poor guy got a DUI practically in our driveway.” Message: Don’t drink and drive, even in our neighborhood. Even for short distances. You could pay a very heavy price. Don’t do it, even though I did. Especially because I did.

What I’m really thinking is I am afraid. I’m afraid for you out there in the world. Please don’t become a statistic. Please learn this lesson the easy way. Please avoid these pitfalls. I can’t stand to have you hurt.

But my son just rolls his eyes, as I did years ago with my own mother’s warning stories, and silently drinks his coffee, wondering when I became so afraid.

I resented my mother for worrying about me, even though she had good reason. But beyond a certain age, it never affected my behavior. I wasn’t listening to fear, not then.

Fear never stopped me anyway, at least not from drinking. Neither did well-meaning warnings from people I loved.

Love stopped me. Learning to love and forgive and respect myself stopped me. Regaining my power, and not giving into fear, stopped me.

Fear is paralyzing. Love is empowering.

I want that to be my message, as I see this same message in so many other people’s blogs and books — people I love and admire. My message should be love and hope and companionship and empathy and self-worth.

That’s what worked for me.

❤️

(After this long drawn out post about not blogging about “negative” things, the wonderful people in the blogging world set me straight. Writing here is about being honest, and I was not feeling particularly positive at the time this was written. I now realize that this is OK, and have reposted the original blog entry — Wine: A Wolf at the Door.)

 

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21 thoughts on “Drinking: A Scary Warning Blog

  1. thank you so much for sharing this post–and thoughts on fear. I think we do so many things out of fear (and try to make others operate out of fear) and it can be so damaging. I’m a big worrier and it’s something I’m working hard to change…our brains can play so many tricks on us. ❤ thank you again for this entry, it was really healing to read.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. ❤️ Thank you! Worrying, if you think about it, really is a form of fear — fear of the future. Or of not being in control. Letting go of worry is something I struggle with as well, but I am way better at releasing those thoughts than I used to be.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I missed the other post too, so can’t really say… but seems you had the best intentions. 🙂 I had to stop and think after reading this one. I still remember the film I had to watch after getting a “NO seat belt” ticket. It was pretty ugly and bad, but I have never gone without a seat belt since. So… it’s a gray area maybe. I don’t think it was fear, just learning to understand why we wear them and what can happen if we don’t. It’s funny that I learned a good lesson about a seat belt and followed through… but when it came to everything ELSE, no one could tell me ANYTHING. ha! Anyway, thanks for sharing and I hope you have a beautiful stress-free day. Stay positive. I like that. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I understand what you mean. I had to take driver’s ed in high school, and they showed us films from accident scenes. I became a very cautious driver, for the most part, because of it. It was a good experience.

      Maybe I should repost with a warning. “Depressing blog ahead.” ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes I agree with Janet and best intentions & I bet you do. I think about what I write and sometimes it contains love & sometimes anger & sometimes fear and warning. These are my honest interpretations on how I am feeling at the time – I wish I had all the love you write about often. Sometimes I don’t.

    This part of your post is up on my reading list but you can’t get into it: “I’m thinking a lot these days about this fermented substance, and what it does to people” I have to say I was so interested on your take on this because lately it is really on my mind.

    Thank you for having enough for everyone and sharing this piece about positivety and love. We are nobody’s parent in the blog world – wonderfully said xx
    Michelle

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You really made me think with this comment, Michelle. Maybe I try so hard to be what I think I am supposed to be that I block anything that doesn’t sound cheery and ‘enlightened,’ even though I was describing my emotions at the time. Maybe being honest is better.
      With two comments like this, I am going to repost.

      Thank you!!!

      Like

  4. I read your post and I was trying to comment on what a powerful piece it was but you had already taken it down. I think you are being too hard on yourself. It was a really strong piece of writing and it resonated very strongly with me and made me feel relief that I no longer drink. Yesterday I was struggling with some major cravings and your post really helped me to refocus.

    So don’t beat yourself up. I love your blog. I am always so pleased when an alert pops up to link to your latest post. Keep on writing and sharing. Tori x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Tori! I’ve gotten some similar feedback, and it’s so nice to know the world doesn’t judge you as harshly as you judge yourself. I think you’re right. I am going to repost because good or bad, it was how I was feeling at the time. And that’s OK.
      Thanks for this epiphany! ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I am glad you put it back up!
    It was your thought at the time, and there is no wrong here.
    We never know what might help other people understand how powerful addiction is.
    I love showing the world how wonderful being sober is, but some people need a different message.
    When I write about the things I did drinking, it helps cement in my brain why I never want to do that again!
    xoxoxoxoxo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are so right. I also need the occasional cement (I love that image) to reinforce these things in my brain. I think once your newly sober, you have to pass through a zealot stage where you have to bombard your mind with sober back up. (Hence the blog world.)
      xoxo ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I haven’t read the piece in question, but part of me was like – why take it down? I understand your concerns, but I think talking about it is a wonderful thing. I literally just finished reading a post on another blog about their DUI, then commented about MY DUI and so on. The intention is not to “scare” people straight, but to show that there are consequences. My consequences were hard: 18 months probation, thousands of dollars in fines and legal fees, 3 years no driving, blah blah blah. Will that make an alcoholic of my type stop drinking and driving? no idea. But we put it out there to show that we are also grateful we didn’t hurt or kill anyone! That to me is my gratitude. I could be in a jail cell right now. But I am not, and I am so glad.
    Love certainly shows up in many guises. Keep at it, and don’t feel “bad” for putting up a powerful piece. Share it! The hard stuff is often the best stuff.

    Blessings
    Paul

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Paul, I think I just read the blog you are talking about immediately after reading this. (Postcards from Recovery.) And you are so right. It was such a powerful message and she told the story with such honesty and dignity. And what you are also right about is this idea that I should feel good about discussing negative things. I come from a long line of people who do not talk about difficult subjects. I know that this is part of my hesitancy here, and I am taking YOUR advice over that of my relatives, who are big into keeping a stiff upper lip. And the fact that I can be grateful that I didn’t face every single consequence there is for drinking, and that I can keep from facing even more is a huge motivator for me.
      Thank you for the incredibly kind encouragement. “The hard stuff is often the best stuff.” That’s a lesson that’s been tough for me. I’m going to try to carry that message to my own children, although I have not quite accepted it myself. I want them to be able to talk honestly about their lives.
      Why does this honesty thing keep popping up in life, I wonder? ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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