A Good Deed Goes Good! (cont.)

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Yay! All has worked out for the best, in the best way possible. All my angsting and twisting myself into knots was uncalled for, but it was a great learning experience.

So … I woke up this morning with a feeling of dread. I didn’t really want this to play out this morning. I didn’t have a great feeling about going in, but I got ready anyway. After all, we face our fears, right? We are adults! Adults don’t run away from problems.

But then I thought about how sometimes my kids woke up distraught about something, didn’t feel all that great, and just wanted the warmth and security of staying home … of healing a little bit before facing the world.

I called them mental health days (as opposed to sick days). After all, who made the rule about rushing into situations that scared us? What about thinking things over a little before acting? What about honoring the voice within instead of the voices without?

So the voice within won. The little girl I tutor doesn’t know or care what days I come on, so I wasn’t hurting anyone. I am still going in tomorrow instead of today. I emailed her teacher exactly like I usually would. “I am coming in tomorrow instead of today. (I have a job interview).” This isn’t exactly true, but I rationalized that I would basically be interviewing myself to see what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.

Marianne Williamson says, “You are entitled to miracles.” She is quoting A Course in Miracles, and I decided to take her up on it. I gave the whole situation over to the benevolent universe and went about my morning. Marianne also says that you don’t have to believe in this for it to work. She says you will believe based on the results. What did I have to lose?

I had coffee and a cupcake to treat myself further. And I felt like a weight had been lifting off my shoulders. I felt great — playing hooky, treating myself like a friend or a child. And the world didn’t stop spinning because I took a morning off to rest and reflect, and let the universe work on my behalf.

And then PING! A text message. Then two more. From the teacher. I held my breath.

She wrote:

“Wonderful”

“Prayers”

“They will be a blessed and lucky employer to have such a kind, generous, and astute worker.”

It worked! A miracle. And a quick one. I couldn’t be happier. Wow, she doesn’t hate me. She thinks I am an astute worker. (That one is just downright funny.) All is well!

And guess what? I got the job! I am going to follow my bliss today. And shut the doors on what the world thinks I should be. Today I feel unstoppable. And grateful. And the birds are singing outside my window, so I’m going out to play.

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35 thoughts on “A Good Deed Goes Good! (cont.)

  1. Amen.
    Thank you for sharing your inner turmoil with us. It is helpful to know I am not the only person who second guesses herself.
    Sometimes I think the answer is to just never get involved, but then we miss out on the joy and beauty and true heartwarming we get from showing kindness.

    Anne

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I know exactly what you mean! I was regretting ever getting involved, when that can’t be the answer. I’ve used it too often to keep from feeling discomfort or hurt, and you’re right — you don’t feel the joy of really connecting with people and life.
      Thanks for reading through all this angsting. It’s amazing how bent out of shape I can get over these things, but blogging helped tremendously. Who knew?
      xoxo
      Shawna

      Liked by 1 person

      1. This is the true gift of sharing. Realizing I am not the only one who can make a good situation so stressful truly helps me feel less crazy and more ok.

        I can’t tell you how many situations like this I have found myself in over the years and I am so quick to blame myself.observing it from the outside is just so helpful.

        Liked by 2 people

      1. 28 degrees (Celsius) below zero. That’s base temp, not with windchill. Today it was -38 with the windchill. That’s a balmy feb day here! They don’t even cancel schools til it’s -45 lol.
        Yes we live in these conditions and even venture outside too! 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That is so far beyond anything I have experienced in the last several decades that it’s completely beyond my imagination. I think you have to work up to surviving temps like that. Today is bone-chilling at 40 degrees F! And there is a bit of wind, so it might get near freezing. Seriously, if you need to escape, let me know. ; )

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      3. Sounds like a great plan! Once I stop spending all my money on candy and other sweet treats I will start saving for a trip somewhere warm 😊 we laugh here because often our weather temps during the winter are colder than Mars. Seriously. I didn’t grow up here, I moved here when I was married and my ex- husband got transferred here with work. It has been 20 years and I’m still not used to it 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Awwwww. This is so awesome. Thanks for sharing. I related to so MUCH of it. I take many mental health days. I figure- what the heck, this IS recovery. So glad for you, that it’s resolved, and thanks for inspiring me to actually go OUT today… rejuvenated and a bit unstoppable myself. Enjoy your beautiful day!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I’m glad you could relate. It was kind of a sanity check on my part. I was going on and on about it for three days! Is this normal? It is for me, at least.
      Getting outside is something I need to do more often. The weather prevents it sometimes, but other times I am just too lazy to get out there. But when I do get out, I really feel that spiritual connection. That’s why I love your photos — they really speak to my heart. xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Shawna,
    I am so sorry I didn’t get to read your blog until today!
    A lot happened!
    So happy you got a new job!
    And as I read your story and the advice, you were right on.
    We can only give it out to people, and once given it is out of our hands.
    Hard for me to do, but makes me feel much calmer.
    I hope you had fun playing!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I had a wonderful play day. And you are right about letting go of the results. Ironically, I made it so much worse than it really was. I read so much into her behavior. I will really try to give people the benefit of the doubt in the future.
      Thanks, Wendy! xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ms Miracle isn’t it amazing how well things turn out in the end and how the stories we tell ourselves create all the stress and turmoil. Thank you posting about this so that we can all learn from your experience. Well done on the job that is just incredible. I am so happy for you! xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s funny you say that because I was wondering how much of my past I’ve painted with that same brush. I’m guessing that much of it was due to me worrying/creating an alternate reality by guessing what people were thinking. Isn’t that such a waste of time? And so detrimental.
      I think that would be a good title for the book I need to read: “The Stories We Tell Ourselves.”
      As always, thank you for your insight.
      xoxo
      Ms Miracle ; )

      Liked by 1 person

  5. You are definitely not alone in the ruminating and endless churning it around department. I too can obsess over these things and at work (mental health provider) we tell people this is the brain running solutions to see which one is the most appropriate or searching for understanding. Sometimes people can get stuck waiting for “closure ” but often in life closure is us accepting that we cannot change a situation and we have to live with a lack of understanding. I can write it but it sure is hard to follow and live it.
    I am glad this is resolved for you. Everything you wrote went through my head too so we do gave similar brains. Don’t lose sight here that what you did was a lovely kind gesture. You put thought into it and followed up with action. I am thankful to you for doing that because I have been helped out in the past by lovely people like you and your husband and at times it has made such a HUGE difference in my life. I’d like to think I was always suitably grateful but maybe not. Either way this was a lovely gesture and let’s not forget that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Ginger.
      As a follow up to the story, I saw her (in person) on that Thursday, and she was wonderful — just acting like she always has. At one point she said, “And what you did for me …” and she couldn’t continue. That told me everything I needed to know. ; )

      I like what you said about the brain seeking solutions. That means my head will be spinning any time I read the political news these days. Are you getting more patients upset with what’s going on in the world? Just curious.

      Back to the teacher — I am just glad I didn’t offend her. I would HATE to do that. However, your gonna offend someone if you walk out the front door, right? I need to get over that need to make everything OK for everyone. It reminds me of an article I read that asked if you wanted this written on your tombstone: “She never bothered her neighbors.” So sad, but sometimes that is my ultimate goal. Lot of conditioning from the parents there, I’m sure.
      Well, today is a new day, and I will make it a point to put myself out there.
      Have a lovely day!
      xoxo

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      1. We are definitely busy at the moment although it’s the end of another bleak grey winter here so Feb and March see the tail end of winter depression coming out before the first hint of spring appears (geese returning and a blue robins egg are my signs) The Germans have a great word Weltschmerz which means depression caused by world events or world sadness as it translates. We are 100% in some form of global shift and good and bad seem to be polarising more so than in a long while. Not sure where we are headed but I plan on going about my business on my terms.
        As for my tombstone, I’d love it to say “She was authentic” or Marmite (it’s a British thing, you love it or hate it) but I think I’d actually like a singing headstone that everytime some walked past it belted out ‘I am what I am’ from La Cage au Folle. That would shake up the cemetery ha ha.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I LOVE the idea of singing tombstones! This could be your path to making millions. I even googled the La Cage au Folle song to get the full effect. Very impressive. Thanks for making me laugh. ♥

    We were in Heidelberg last September, so I suddenly became interested in all things German. I will add Weltschmerz to my list, because if I am not careful, our entire lives will revolve around what appears to be a depressing future. You’re right about the polarizing shift. On the other hand, I think there are far more people in touch with a better way of living and thinking as well. Let’s hope we win out in the long run.

    We also have geese returning, but it appears we are a little ahead of you here. It hit 70F today! I could not be happier about the warm weather approaching. It somehow tends to morph right into summer, so I am intent on enjoying it while I can. Feel free to come for a visit. ; ) xoxo

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