Day 259: When Bloggers Disappear

disappear_by_mrs_white-d71xqlo

When someone disappears from the blogosphere, we don’t get any closure. Where’d they go? Why won’t they answer their email? Why did they delete their site?

It’s like when a relationship ends because one person just refuses to return calls.

It’s enough to make one a stalker. But so often, we don’t even know their real names, although we walked with them through hell and heartache for a short time.

We still care about them though. And worry. And pray. And I wonder if I would have the courage to report back in if I spent the holidays drinking to make up for lost time. I hope I would, but this does not fit with my behavior in the past.

But on the flip side, it’s so nice when someone new comes along. Redemption! Here is a new friend — Girl Undrunk,  who has just joined the online healing community.

Healing Hurts

 

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20 thoughts on “Day 259: When Bloggers Disappear

  1. When I have extra time, I click on the “blog roll” links on other bloggers pages and I get so sad when I come across ones that haven’t been posted on in ages and ended with a “I’m having a hard time” or “I slipped” post, or if they’ve been deleted altogether. I always think “Where are you? Come back! What happened? Are you ok?”
    Thanks for the link to the new blogger 🙂

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    1. Me too. And that tendency to isolate makes it so much more likely that people just sign off and never come back, or come back years later with a different name. I’m so relieved when I hear that someone has been just too busy to blog. ; )

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  2. I have had a few blogging incarnations as I tried and failed, but have decided not to do that anymore. I want to be honest about where I’m at and what I’m doing. I also realized that it’s not fair to others to just disappear. It’s a little like throwing away support.

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    1. You know, now that you mention it, I remember starting a blog years and years ago, and then disappearing. I wanted to erase evidence that I had ever tried, even anonymously. And I think you’re right about throwing away support (and also accountability). ; )

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  3. I had a blog and deleted it – which I regret because it was 5 months of my life written out. I deleted mine because I was angry at myself and my failures. I was tired of seeing it laid out in front of me. I started this new blog with all these intentions and purposes and here I am right back in the struggle and the merry go round of day ones. I am embarrassed that I am so weak and wasteful of my life. Anyway. I’m going to try to stick it out this time regardless of what actually transpires.

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    1. I don’t think you are remotely weak or wasteful. There is no bigger challenge in life than overcoming an addiction to alcohol, and that is proven again and again by people who are marathon runners, high-level executives, and heads of states. People with all the will power in the world struggle with alcohol. It’s crazy difficult to quit.
      Until it isn’t. I wish I knew exactly what makes the change possible all of the sudden, when it wasn’t in the past.
      And I do think every single day 1 is a victory. They add up and they don’t disappear just because you had to start over. I have literally decades of day ones. I have never had one year. I have to believe that all this trying and starting over eventually leads to a new life. Sooner or later it will click. Why not now?
      Hang in there! ; )

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      1. Unfortunately, in recovery, I find it’s a revolving door. Sometimes people you really, really care for suddenly disappear off the radar. Have they relapsed? Are they dead? Did they just get a job somewhere else and move? I have learned not to get too involved with newcomers. Of course, I always reach out my hand to them, but they often don’t take it. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve “sponsored” over the years who just suddenly stop calling. I can’t find them anywhere. When they stick around for awhile, then I might try to get closer. It’s a sad fact of recovery 😦

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      2. That is really sad. Of course, I have done it myself! There should be a way to think about it that doesn’t involve “losing” your sobriety, and because I think shame is at the heart of people not returning, even if they want to. When I think about people saying, “I lost two years of sobriety by drinking,” they didn’t really lose it. They were still sober those two years and got all the benefits from being healthy. I don’t know the answer here, but it feels like something has to change!

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      3. The biggest “lesson” you learn from relapsing is that your life (probably) got better when you were sober. That lesson should make you want to return to being sober. I don’t judge those who relapse. In our meetings, relapsers are always welcomed back. The “shame” element is probably within the relapser. Like anything else, when we fall we must get back up! When people say they “lost two years…,” I think it’s about the ego. They want everyone to know they managed to get two years of sobriety at one point. The main thing is that we are sober TODAY and, hopefully, tomorrow…

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  4. I disappeared about four times over the past twelve months. Each time I came back and started a new blog (with a similar name!) It was shame that made me delete my blogs. I felt too ashamed. And yet I know that most people would have continued to support me if I had stayed. I think the main shame came from within me, not other people.

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    1. I understand that completely. Especially because at some length of time, I tend to feel like I have the problem “solved.” And then I start giving other people advice as if I were an expert. So to come back after that is a little on the humbling side. ; )

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