Day 126: Daydreaming on the Front Line

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A post by Mrs. Mac, who has about the same number of sober days as I do, helped me make a connection:

https://mac78blog.wordpress.com

She’s talking about needing the connection of blogging, reading blogs, etc., to stay on track. I had really gotten away from blogging in the past month, and I can now feel myself less committed to the cause of sobriety.

And last week, I listened to a tape my Deepak Chopra that described the body as in either growth or decline. Chopra pointed out that any time you are not exercising, your body begins to break down. His example was that Olympic athletes who are made to stay in bed for two weeks lose the equivalent of 10 years of training. That is really shocking, especially for someone who has spent the last decades in a state of inertia, exercising only in my brief periods of sobriety or to flex my arm muscles in raising a drink. I have been in rapid decline, both mentally and physically. Of course the good new is, I can turn it around at any point. Today, for example.

I’ve decided that my awareness surrounding alcohol addiction is the same. If I don’t activity blog, read books, or seek out recovery, my sobriety is in decline. In other words, doing nothing does not just leave me where I was on the road to recovery, it sends me backward, and I don’t need to drink to make that happen. Staying sober isn’t enough. My memory of what alcohol did to my life starts to soften around the edges, leaving a glow of nostalgia. It’s like seeing a black and white photo of someone smiling, without realizing it was taken in a war zone.

My daydreams are beginning to show me another place and time where life was ruled by hazy afternoon light, with the romance of outdoor cafes … and drinking. There was always drinking to enhance that glow and drown out the sound of bombs bursting in the distance, like fireworks.

But the reality is that I was at war with an enemy that has taken far stronger souls than mine. And daydreaming on the front line is never a good idea.

11 thoughts on “Day 126: Daydreaming on the Front Line

  1. I needed another reminder about exercise, thank you. I did well for the first 60 days and then, as my son says, I had an “epic fail” in days 60+ in the exercise area. I am ready to get going again. If 2 weeks sunks athletes, goodness knows what the last 6 have done to me!

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  2. I’m pleased my babbling has help. I really didn’t realise how much blogging, reading and listening to podcasts did help me and helped me move forward in my sobriety, until i stopped doing it. The doubts did start creeping in. Blogging etc.. was obviously working for me, so i’m definitely going to keep it up from now on.

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    1. Me too. It really does reinforce the decision to continue “soberly.” It’s so easy for me to just drop out of sight in the sober world, drinking or not. I think it reflects my decision — it’s still not rock solid.

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  3. I’m suspicious of that chopra comment…I can’t imagine that true. Athletes get injured all the time…and everyone needs rest.

    That said, connection is vital for happiness. Blogging is a great way to connect.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree about the comment. It may have been made specifically to something like “neural pathways,” etc., that I missed. I will listen again to clarify. (It’s from Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul.)

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Dear ASM,
    I know I need to up my exercise. I got busy with other things, and kept putting it off!
    Not good!
    Pizza is one the foods I rarely eat because I eat it until I am STUFFED! It’s so good!

    I also know that I too need to keep up the things that help me stay sober.
    I just can’t take it for granted at all!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You seem to an incredible job keeping up. You are one of the people I most admire when it comes to honest (and entertaining) blogging.
      I am trying to go sugar-free for a couple of days and am absolutely jonesing for a chocolate truffle. The part of me that rationalizes whatever I want to do has decreed: “One sweet is allowed on Saturday nights.” It’s the same voice that used to regulate my drinking. ; )

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I love the name of your blog, I’m a big fan of miracles. I’m glad you’re so in tune with yourself, and listening! I’ve been sober for almost 5 years and I swear to God my body speaks languages I never knew it had and it never shuts up-I guess it’s making up for all those years I drowned it out with alcohol. Back then all it could mutter was two words, drunk and hungover.
    Sobriety is not just not drinking, it is our life and life takes constant work and attention to make it everything we deserve. So we don’t miss out on any miracles.
    Glad I found your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Kary May! I’ve most definitely had my share of miracles. Now it’s a matter of recognizing them and hanging on for dear life. My poor body has also been subjected to years of processing alcohol, but it is slowly coming back. Five years is an amazing accomplishment! I am trying for one, which would be another major miracle. ; )

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