Day 37: On Waking Up


This morning I woke up with the strangest feeling. Something was missing.

It took me a while to assess the situation … I had had pleasant enough dreams. The gulls were wailing outside the window, like they had all week. But I had no urge to jump up and get my first cup of coffee … my usual routine. I was perfectly content to just loll there, vaguely remembering a dream here, a dream there. I didn’t toss and turn, trying to get  more comfortable in the squishy mattress.

And then it dawned on me … nothing hurt.

Nothing hurt. I tested the theory by moving a knee here, a wrist there. Nothing hurt anywhere. I can’t remember this feeling ever. Not in the last 30 years, anyway.

I blamed all of those aches and pains on aging. I’ve had back pain and general signs of ill health for a while. Guess what? Back pain can be caused by aching kidneys and an overworked liver trying desperately to rid the body of a constant stream of poison. Body aches? All of the organs are affected by alcohol and are fighting an inner war to sustain life. Aging? Alcohol consumption causes premature aging, as the liver is unable to filter out toxic substances that then course through the body, damaging it throughout.

Sobriety? Sustained alcohol-free living allows the miracle of healing to take place. Trillions of cells can redirect their energy from filtering poison to doing what they are meant to — sustaining life. Real, vibrant life, not life by  default. I feel welcomed back to life among the living. Everything seems new today. I am happy to be here, and that’s a significant change from waking after drinking.


20 thoughts on “Day 37: On Waking Up

  1. Simply glorious. There’s a great irony at work here in that so many of us had turned to substances in pursuit of a fuller or heightened experience of being. And after we’ve experienced the lows that result from using, the glory and beauty that has always been there waiting for us, the beauty and glory of the simplicity of a single, sober moment, can sometimes really move us.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are so right! I’ve distilled my drinking down to a search for communion. It’s a false communion, however, and finding the real thing means starting over. Thank you!


      1. I’m so happy that you are feeling better!!! Lord only knows what all of that drinking did to our bodies! But we are on a different path now! For me, that in itself is miraculous! xo

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Fantastic! During my initial attempt to get sober, the first thing I notice was that my sleep improved. I slept through the night and woke up refreshed. The second thing I noticed were my nails/nail beds. No more chipping and breaking, no more dead skin.

    This time around, I am looking forward to those improvements and many more!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It gets way better, even after six months of improvements. My brain works again! I remember what people tell me. My eyes are clear. Strong nails as well. And I need much less sleep and have more energy. I’m so glad you’re beginning to feel the same!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, that is possible. I had positive things in my life before, but I couldn’t sustain anything well because drinking interfered. I think what’s different now is that my brain has healed enough to create “feel good” hormones and I am not constantly consumed with thoughts of drinking. I did have some great times in the good ole’ days, and I made good friends. I just took it too far and had to stop. Simple as that.


  3. I just found your blog searching around for sobriety blogs and completely relate – I am on day 43, and a few days ago, I did exactly the same thing. I woke up and realized I didn’t need my coffee right away – I laid in the bed awhile and also, like you, realized that my body didn’t ache. it was the ever-present booze causing my body pain, not my 45 years on earth. Thank you for sharing your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Rachel! Thanks for reading my blog … writing it has somehow kept me accountable when nothing else could.

      So you must be on day 46 now? Almost 50!! Isn’t it amazing how you can recover your youth? I met up with a drinking friend recently, and she could barely walk up a hill without gasping for air. This same woman used to walk miles ten years ago. In the mean time, the drinking has increased and the walking has gone by the wayside. Like most people, she’s thinking of cutting back instead of quitting.

      I’m so glad we’re on the same path. Going to check out your blog now ….


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