An unbelievable achievement: I have not had one sip of ethanol in 18 days. (I call it ethanol now because that is what it is. The same thing you get at the gas station. It’s lethal, flammable, etc., but with enough sugar-coating, ingestible. That’s why it tastes so bad. It is literally poison.) I got all of this from a book called, “The Naked Mind: Control Alcohol.” Spoiler alert! The book is not about controlling alcohol. It convinces you on a sub-conscious level to think of it as poison. Which it is.
I am doing well. I am not obsessing about alcohol, mostly because I have had a relatively stress-free few weeks. But guess what? In the past, I have succumbed to drinking even more often at “happy” events — weddings, getting together with friends, holidays. I don’t need to avoid triggers as much as I need to realize that everything is a trigger, starting with the first thought. The minute I let that first thought in the door, the second thought will grab whatever situation I am in and make it an excuse to drink. It’s genius really. There is no circumstance that I can’t mold to my own secret wish to drink, if I so choose. (Even if I don’t so choose, the thought will choose me.) I need to stop drinking completely, and not hold out thoughts such as: “If I get a terminal disease, than I can have a drink.” In the past, I have actually wished for a health-related false alarm just to get that drink. That is sick.
So today, I am watching my thoughts. They mostly involve chocolate truffles at the moment. And truffles never leave me wondering what stupid thing I said or did after having a few.